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A search for the six-foot student life: Epibration

Just as a small freshener: student life consists of a social, cultural and academic aspect. We have already introduced the academic field in the previous column, so we will now leave it to rest; just like most of you are doing in the Noorderplantsoen, Stadspark, or on a balcony. This week: an introduction to the social aspect of your student life.

The social aspect of student life consists of debating, excelling and epibrating. For those of you who haven’t got Simon Carmiggelt fresh in your memory: epibration is the performance of an undefined task that sounds or looks very impressive, even though it is completely insignificant. In your daily life that might be your daily Instagram Story in which you pretend to be studying, your Facebook-throwbacks to a sunny holiday, or your umpteenth Strava-screenshot.

Although I was planning on discussing the social aspect of student life in depth with you this week, I can not escape discussing its darker side. The antisocial aspect has come to light in the last few days. Students and residents have been fully enjoying the nice weather, overcrowding the parks, shopping streets and national parks. If you have been part of that, you truly deserve the illustrious Twitter-title of Corona Cunt.

As students, we consider ourselves to be invincible. We are young, are allowed to make mistakes and have a whole life in front of us to build our empire. But while students usually protest against government policies (climate, environment, ideology), this is not the time and place to do so. You are invincible, but your mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, or accidental passer-by in the Albert Heijn at the Vismarkt is not. Students are commonly described as the leaders of the future. Let us make sure this is not a hollow phrase.

The invincibility of a student shows in their creativity, for example to enjoy yourself at home. Leading a grand and compelling student life does not require you to be a health risk to those around you. No, you do not need to go for drinks with your friends, and you truly do not need that charcoal-tasting barbecue in the park with the associated lukewarm canned beers. Your student mentality fuels you with ingenuity and creativity, so you really do not need to leave your house fleeing for husband, wife, or children; like the average Corona Cunt.

Epibration of the 21st-century is, therefore, staying at home. It might look very impressive to others, but it’s actually no big deal for you.