Incels: crisis of masculinity or a reflection of contemporary society?
Complete darkness. Uncertainty and tension in the air.
But then…
Suddenly and unexpectedly,
A dim light is turned on,
a wordless wave of curiosity passes through the audience.
And. The action begins.
“You have a problem with masculinity”
A mysterious world
Imagine the feeling of stumbling upon a world you barely knew existed. Maybe you’d expect something magical, like stepping through a wardrobe straight into Narnia, where the ordinary transforms into the extraordinary. But what if, instead, you find yourself pulled into the world of demons, shadows, something that challenges everything you thought you understood about society and human connection?
What if this Dark Kingdom is not just a space you enter, but the twisted mind of someone else, where darkness and alienation is your new religion?
That’s exactly how I felt after experiencing Gaja Caruso’s Men of Meat and Fire. The Slovenian artist’s dance performance, which I saw at the Grand Theater in Groningen, dragged me into an uncomfortable reality, much like stepping into the twisted mind of another person. Someone whose anger and alienation deformed reality so completely that it forced me to question the very foundations of how we perceive one another.
Welcome to the world of incels: individuals, primarily men, who are unable to find romantic or sexual partners despite wanting to and as a result experience frustration and resentment, particularly towards women.
Why incels?
Positioning incels as merely men who hate women because they won’t have sex with them is an oversimplification – Lisa Sugiura, author of the book The Incel Rebellion (2021)
After seeing Caruso’s magnificent piece, I started questioning everything that I saw. Why do incels exist? Why does society allow such concept to exist in the first place? Maybe it can be called a crisis of the twenty-first century in the sense that physical appearance and materialism-based views lead to objectification of individuals? In this social media-filtered world, have we lost sight of our shared humanity? Too many questions.
The incel phenomenon is especially relevant because of the increasing number of terrorist attacks committed by individuals who identify themselves as incels, emphasizing uncontrolled extremism. For instance, Elliot Rodger’s 2014 attack in Isla Vista resulted in the death of six people. Alek Minassian’s assault in 2018 involved targeting pedestrians in Toronto while driving a rented van. Both were driven by incel ideology, highlighting how the radicalization within the incel community can culminate in violent acts. The term was also referenced in the 2022 proposal for an EU directive on combating violence against women and domestic violence, indicating that this, at first glance, new development, has received attention globally.
By analyzing existing literature and using results from an anonymous questionnaire filled out mainly by students aged 18 to 25, I have sought to provide a clearer understanding of the incel phenomenon and prevailing opinions among the participants of the questionnaire.
Incel philosophy: how to survive in the Dark Kingdom
This Dark Kingdom we have entered far from resembles a whimsical fantasy-world like Narnia. And… Well, bad news, we are stuck here. Thus, to survive and to adapt (so we are not identified as strangers) we must familiarize ourselves with its rules and main philosophy. To make it easier, this is divided into a few crucial steps that should first be taken:
- Learn the language – The incel community has developed a specific vocabulary, which could be difficult to understand for strangers. For example, Chad refers to an attractive man, a Gymcel is an incel who is trying to improve their attractiveness by going to the gym frequently, etc. Thus, to avoid misunderstandings, it is highly recommended to learn at least the basics of this terminology.
- Understand the Blackpill philosophy – This could be seen as the main ideology of the incel community. To avoid being recognized in the Dark Kingdom, you should pretend that nihilism is your lifestyle and you truly believe that an individual’s success in relationships is determined by their attractiveness.
- Identify your enemies (women) – This point probably won’t surprise anyone, but I find it important to emphasize. Misogyny is deeply rooted in the incel community, and women are often seen as enemies. Don’t be surprised if you hear dehumanizing terms used against women, as this is merely a daily occurence in the life of an incel.
By following these steps, you will be able to blend in more with the rest of the Dark Kingdom’s inhabitants, allowing you to better understand this gloomy, cynical world and its people.
Wardrobe rumors: beyond the Dark Kingdom
It is equally fascinating to analyze how the outside world perceives the Dark Kingdom. What do people think of this shadowy world? What are the rumors that circulate beyond its borders?
In order to improve my understanding of these outside perspectives, the survey I conducted featured five multiple-choice questions and one open-ended one. It involved 61 participants with the majority aged 18 to 25, half of them women, a third men, and the rest identified as ‘other’. These responses offer only a small-scale glimpse into how a specific group of young people engage with the topic and therefore shouldn’t be seen as representative of broader societal views.
Most students were already familiar with the concept of incels, which is no surprise given how much it’s been discussed in the media and online throughout the past few years. A more interesting question, though, is ‘how would you react if you met such an individual in real life?’ Run away? Not talk to them? Or maybe be a bit too straightforward and call them stupid?
However, most of the respondents said that they would challenge incel beliefs and suggest healthier viewpoints. This indicates that maybe incels aren’t seen as complete aliens, hailing from another dimension, that need to be avoided at all costs. I dove deeper into this sentiment by asking ‘do you see incels as outsiders who reject society, or as individuals rejected by society?’ The majority of the answers was in more of a gray area here: “incels experience rejection and then withdraw into resentment”.
But… probably the most interesting (and important) question consists of only three letters – WHY? Why does this dark world of alienation and misogyny exist?
According to most of the students, the main reason is internal struggles such as low self-esteem or mental health challenges. Indeed, recent studies suggest as much: Incel Ideology, Radicalization and Mental Health: A Survey Study conducted by social psychology researcher Sophia Moskalenko show that 95% of incels report experiencing depressive symptoms.
Some of the respondents had personal experience with incels, highlighting another factor: the rigid understanding of masculinity. As one of them explained, incels are raised with a very strict ideal of manhood, according to which a failure in romance represents a failure as a man. In other words, it is toxic masculinity, rooted in the belief that “boys don’t cry” and emotional vulnerability is a weakness. Parenting mistake or a societal norm – you are free to make your own conclusions.
Another reason is related to social media as the origin of this phenomenon. How would Alana (creator of a platform called “Alana’s Involuntary Celibacy Project”, from which the term ‘incel’ takes its name) have known that what was originally created for providing social support, would end up as a world of darkness and demons? A world, which was extended by the creation of forums like 4chan and Reddit. These platforms connect like-minded individuals and offer anonymity that allows expression of radical ideas without immediate real-world consequences.
According to Lisa Sugiura, the author of the book The Incel Rebellion (2021), without digital technologies and internet culture, incel would not exist as an identity. Yet, in today’s world, the complete disappearance of the internet would almost feel like the collapse of society itself. I believe, however, that adding more regulation to the online platforms would mitigate the negative consequences. The possible solutions include stronger content filtering and enhanced user accountability. These measures could help to ensure a safer online environment while still preserving freedom of expression.
Going even beyond Alana’s project and touching on misogyny, some of the respondents mentioned historical roots as a possible reason for why incel extremism exists. Indeed, according to Laura Bates, author of the book Men who hate women, the Men Rights Movement (MRM) in certain areas overlaps with incel-related ideas. This connection is rooted in the shared (a little bit too dramatic) opposition to feminism; a belief that feminism has led to a crisis for men. While I am not suggesting that MRM is a direct cause of the incel existence, it could be seen as an example where at first glance innocent ideas grow into something more extremist and radical.
However, it is important to emphasize the fact that in the early 1970s, MRM wasn’t as extreme and violent as the incel-related ideas nowadays. This makes one wonder; where does all this anger towards women come from, turning people into such inhumane beings? Is it isolation? Social media?
The question reminds me of William Golding’s novel Lord of the Flies, in which young boys are stranded on a deserted island and start hunting each other; a world where people are just pieces of meat. In a way, the incel narrative could be seen from a similar perspective, emphasizing alienation as a main reason of frustration that can turn into destructive forces.
After all, as was mentioned by one of the respondents of the questionnaire, ‘incels do not exist alone, this is a group term’. This highlights an important point: it is easier to be brainwashed within a group than to remain unaffected on your own. A bit like in the zombie apocalypse – once infection spreads, people become part of a swarm, moving into the same direction.
By making such a statement I am not criticizing the existence of a community, as connection and belonging are fundamental human needs. However, when a community becomes an echo-chamber filled with anger and destructive ideologies, it can warp an individual’s perception of reality. Incels aren’t the only example of this phenomenon, as history is full of instances where groups fostered harmful ideologies.
Some examples of group-extremism include cults such as Heaven’s Gate, where 39 of its members committed suicide, believing that they would trascend into higher existence. Or conspiracy movements like QAnon, which promoted baseless claims about the global elite involved in child trafficking, leading to real-world consequences such as the January 6 Capitol riot. These examples show how powerful and dangerous the forces of manipulation, alienation and group-thinking can be.
And so, we are left with a thought-provoking question: How fragile are the social structures that bind us and how quickly can they break apart when manipulated by anger, fear and isolation?
Mission to survive in the Dark Kingdom completed
Note: I find it important to emphasize that the article wasn’t an attempt to justify incel behaviour. Their violent actions cannot be justified by any means. Instead, it was an attempt to look at the problem a bit more broadly, not limited to defining them as extremist weirdos
Congratulations! You managed to survive in the Dark Kingdom! You probably still have a lot of unanswered questions about this mysteriously frightening world. Don’t worry; this is entirely normal. To truly understand it, one would need to spend a lot of years in the darkness. However, if you were interested not only in survival, but also in analyzing the depths of this shadowy place, you probably managed to make some important conclusions and uncovered crucial insights along the way.
One of the most important discoveries is that the incel phenomenon is not an isolated issue but rather a deeply interconnected societal problem. It reflects issues, such as mental health, toxic masculinity, social media influence, and historical gender norms. Alienation, frustration, and rejection are at the core of incel beliefs, often amplified by platforms like 4chan and Reddit.
The topic itself is quite controversial; after mentioning what I am writing about, a broad palette of reactions was received. Some gave me glances of interest and others a witty smile betraying that this ‘incel project’ sounds a bit like nonsense. Despite its contention, the topic’s presence in literature, academic studies, and art indicates its relevance in contemporary society. I believe that addressing social media’s role and promotion of healthy relationships would be a step towards mitigating the incel problem. However, to answer the question whether they indeed are outsiders, or a result of twenty-first-century alienation, requires a more in-depth scientific study.
This phenomenon serves as a reminder that the darkness we see online is a direct reflection of deeper, unresolved issues in society – we must see it as a warning that has to be addressed before the dystopian Dark Kingdom becomes a new, frightening, gloomy, inescapable reality.
“You have a problem with masculinity”
sounded for the last time on the stage.
The action is gone.
Yet…
An inexplicable tension,
A wordless question is still
hanging in the air.
Sources:
Moskalenko, S., Sparks, C., and Costello, M., Involuntary Celibacy: A Review of Incel Ideology and Experiences with Dating, Rejection, and Associated Mental Health and Emotional Sequelae (2022) Current Psychology https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9780135/
CBC News, ‘Alek Minassian Reveals Details of Toronto Van Attack in Video of Police Interview’ (2019) <https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/alek-minassian-police-interview-1.529802>
Lisa Sugiura, The Incel Rebellion: The Rise of the Manosphere and the Virtual War Against Women (Emerald Publishing Limited 2021)
European Commission, Proposal for a Directive of the European Parliament and of the Council on combating violence against women and domestic violence COM(2022) 105 final (8 March 2022) <https://eur-lex.europa.eu/legal-content/EN/TXT/PDF/?uri=CELEX:52022PC0105>
Conti A, ‘Learn to Decode the Secret Language of the Incel Subculture’ (Vice, 2021) https://www.vice.com/en/article/learn-to-decode-the-secret-language-of-the-incel-subculture/
Iker T, ‘The Men’s Rights Movement and Its Impact on Politics’ (TIME, 2023) <https://time.com/7199692/mens-rights-feminism-history/>
Brian Van Brunt and Chris Taylor, Understanding and Treating Incels: Case Studies, Guidance, and Treatment of Violence Risk in the Involuntary Celibate Community (2020)
Moskalenko S, Fernández-Garayzábal J, Kates N, Morton J, ‘Incel Ideology, Radicalization and Mental Health: A Survey Study’ (2022)(PDF) Incel Ideology, Radicalization and Mental Health: A Survey Study
Weinraub C, Ng C, Nunes A, Yamada H, ‘Heaven’s Gate Survivor Reflects on the Cult’s Mass Suicide 25 Years Ago’ (2022) ABC Newshttps://abcnews.go.com/US/heavens-gate-survivor-reflects-cults-mass-suicide-25/story?id=83213680%2F
Miller-Idriss C, Finkelstein J, ‘New Report Reveals Growing Threat from QAnon Movement’ (2020) American University https://www.american.edu/media/news/20201221-new-report-reveals-growing-threat-from-qanon-movement.cfm
Laura Bates Men who hate women (Simon & Schuster 2020)