Breakfast Conversations: Understanding Life with Aphantasia
Avendo gran disio,
dipinsi una pintura,
bella, voi simigliante,
e quando voi non vio,
guardo ’n quella figura,
e par ch’eo v’aggia avante
Out of my great desire
I painted an image
Fair, resembling you,
And when I do not see you
I look at that picture
And it seems like
you’re right in front of me
Meravigliosamente (or Wonderfully) – Iacopo da Lentini (translated from medieval Sicilian by Karla Mallette)
Could you describe the table at which you eat breakfast every day?
I will start: it is a long white table, right next to a big window in our living room. The feeble morning light shines through the big tree in our neighbor’s garden, landing on a spread of objects from our daily lives: keys, a scented candle, a notebook, a tea can. This is what I see every day while I eat my breakfast and enjoy the drowsy silence of a house that still has to wake up.
Today is no different. At 8 am on a misty Monday morning, I sit at that same table and stir my muesli. I assume most of you could recall their breakfast table in such detail: after all, it is something we see every day! But for the person sitting right in front of me, my lovely roommate Jessica, this is most definitely not the case.
Jessica has this thing called aphantasia: she cannot visualize anything in her mind. So, if you asked her to imagine this table, she would be unable to literally see it in her head. This phenomenon was first discovered and described by the Englishman Francis Galton.
In 1880, Galton asked that same exact question to 100 adult men, mostly among his fellow scientists. Quite to his surprise, twelve of them could not provide any description of their breakfast table at all. This was known as “The Breakfast Study”, and for many years, it would be the only existing evidence of aphantasia, as it remained completely unresearched.
It was not until 2010, when a man claimed to have lost his mental imagery after undergoing heart surgery, that Adam Zeman and his team of neurologists at the University of Exeter, UK, conducted a study on twenty-one self-reported “aphantasics”. In the subsequently published paper, the term “aphantasia”, as we know it, was coined, deriving from the Greek word phantasia, which means “image” or “appearance”, and the attached privative alfa, a-, to indicate its absence. Thus, aphantasia can be defined as a lack of mental imagery, an almost complete inability to visualize or imagine things.
Zeman’s research was indeed groundbreaking: never had the thousand facets of the human mind become so strikingly clear to everyone. The paper was ranked among the 1% of best research output in 2015 and more and more people started reporting their inability to “see with their mind’s eye”. In fact, about 3 to 5% of the world population has “congenital aphantasia”, meaning that they were born with the inability to produce mental images at all.
A spectrum of visualization
So, why did it take someone having the ability to visualize and then lose it, to figure out that aphantasia existed? The reason is that everyone is unique, not only externally but also internally: we all see things differently in our mind.
Think of a spectrum: on one end, there are people with aphantasia, and on the other, people with “hyperphantasia”, so the exact opposite. Most individuals are more or less located in the middle of this scale, but this reference is not 100% accurate. For example, one might be able to see very detailed mental images while lacking the ability to visualize particularly vivid colors or any colors at all. Still, we are deeply convinced that everyone thinks and imagines in the same way as we do.
Once we realize that this is far from being true, we start seeing the world around us in a totally different light. People with aphantasia, specifically, might have a hard time accepting that most of the people near them are able to “see things with their minds”.
But enough with the second-hand accounts: let’s directly ask Jessica, a first-year economics student at the UG, and my roommate, who kindly agreed to have this breakfast-interview with me at this early hour:
When and how did you realize that you had aphantasia?
“I think it was like one year ago, maybe, but it was something gradual. At first, I saw this meme on Instagram, the one where the heads imagine an apple in different ways. At that point, I was kind of in denial though. I thought yeah, I think I’ve seen something, maybe I’m the middle picture. And then, as time went on, it kind of started making sense, like, oh, maybe I actually don’t see anything! Because at first, you don’t realize it’s something not everyone has. So, I had to kind of sit with it.”
So, you didn’t want to admit it at first…
“It’s not like that, I don’t know if denial is the right word, I just thought it was normal. I don’t know how though, because you usually don’t know how people visualize things in your head. At that time, I thought I was not a visualizer, but I guess I could see something. I don’t know how to explain it, but I didn’t really grasp the concept of “seeing” something in my mind.”
Indeed, only recently the concept of aphantasia became very popular on social media. Many people like Jessica realized that they had aphantasia by stumbling across related content on Instagram or TikTok. One of the most shared images was the apple one described by Jessica.
Quite simple but effective: on a scale from 1 to 5, how defined is the image of an apple in your mind? For those who related more to the “empty head”, the world of aphantasia threw its doors wide open. On YouTube, dozens of TED Talks and videos about the subject can be found and there’s even a whole online community for people with aphantasia, where weekly articles are published and information is exchanged.
Counting sheep and remembering faces
In fact, realizing that other people are seeing with their mind while you are totally unable to do it can be an unsettling experience:
“I don’t know how to explain the feeling, but I was kind of like, hey, this is so unfair. What do you mean? You guys see something in your mind? It wasn’t a sad feeling or anything. I was just like, huh? How is this fair, you know? Like, that’s cool. I also want that!” says Jessica.
Were you surprised that aphantasia actually exists?
“I mean, obviously, I thought that what I see, everyone sees. Or what I do not see, I guess. So, I was like, oh, okay, you guys see something? I was a little bit confused because I physically could not comprehend it.”
Have you ever wondered why you did not imagine things?
“Not really, but there were some things that didn’t make sense to me. For example, when people say: oh, if you cannot fall asleep, just count sheep. And I’m like: what do you mean count sheep? There’s no sheep! I never understood what they were doing, so I tried counting in my head, just like one, two, three, and that didn’t work.”
Our surrounding reality is completely built around people’s ability to imagine things. This is also true in education and learning: caretakers and teachers usually take it for granted that children can fully make use of their imagination. This contributes to the widespread belief within society that aphantasia is not the “norm” and that people are “affected” by it and therefore suffer from some “deficiency”.
However, this is completely untrue. In reality, people with aphantasia have a totally different cognitive mechanism. One striking example of this is the way Jessica remembers faces and people in her daily life:
I know that people with aphantasia usually have a hard time remembering the faces of people. Is it true also for you?
“Yes, but on the other hand, I am still good with faces. Like, if I have already seen you and I meet you in public, I recognize you. But I cannot picture you in my head. So, if you told me now: describe this person, I would struggle.”
So, this means that you basically store in your memory other characteristics, that are not visual, about this person. Do you recognize how people walk, talk, or, like, how their vibe is in general?
“The weird thing is that I cannot picture them in my head. But when I see you, for example, I know who you are.”
Okay, so do you think it’s something subconscious that your mind does?
“I don’t know if it is actually storing nonvisual information. Because, obviously, I recognize people based on some visual cues: I don’t have to talk to you to know it’s you. I just need to see you. Assume I have seen you in public, like, in a mall, we did not talk, we just walked by each other, I would be like oh, that’s Sophia!
I usually do remember the feelings and what people said, how they act, and things like that, but I cannot visualize. This means, however, that when I don’t notice something about a person, it’s harder for me to recall it. It’s like I have to sit down and say to myself: this person has brown hair, brown eyes, this skin tone, this clothing, and then I will remember it.”
A different kind of memory
Imagination is nothing more than a consciously controlled representation of the information in our minds. Whether this information is based on visual or verbal cues makes no difference. This is why it is incorrect to assert that aphantasics have no “imagination”. They do, it’s just that they imagine things differently.
For example, when it comes to memory, many of us differ significantly in the way we recall things, independently of whether we consider ourselves to have “good” or “bad” memory. Someone who has more of a photographic memory can see the exact location of a piece of information in their notebook, or they can recall in absurd detail the faces of their loved ones.
People with aphantasia, on the other hand, store information more like a list of facts. They may recall a certain occurrence in their life by literally making a list in their head of the people who were there, the succession of events, etc. Their brains are simply knowledge-based rather than image-based. They retrieve information from their semantic memory, and they use non-imagery-based strategies such as clustering groups, patterns, geometry, etc. For this reason, their short-term memory, which is mainly about facts and semantics, is not affected at all.
“In high school, I could study for a test just by reading the material right beforehand. Sometimes, I can just read something and remember it instantly,” Jessica adds. “I think in thoughts, I see words, I guess. You know, I only have my inner voice with me. So that’s how I think, and I remember.”
Do you remember exactly the words and what is said in the text?
“Not exactly the words, but the content of the text. But this is, like, a short-term thing. Obviously, in order to remember it for a long time, I still need to study. Still, just before the test, it was very useful. I cannot do this now in university, because, yeah, that’s hard. But it helps me, in some way: I can grasp concepts quickly when it comes to new knowledge.”
How do you connect concepts and notions in your mind? Can you create something similar like a mental map?
“That’s physically not possible for me. Yeah, sure, I can connect some concepts, but, like, in the form of words. It’s not a mind map. I really have to say to myself this connects to this. It’s like recalling through my inner monologue. Therefore, to study, I have to talk to myself, so I must talk like I’m teaching the subject. I need to learn words. That’s the only way to describe it. Also, flashcards really help. So, I make myself flashcards and they ask me questions and I have to answer them. And, well, in math you just have to practice. There are just rules, and you have to apply them.
But, still, I do think I have a good memory, but only when it comes to knowledge and studying. The little things, like for example your favorite color, I do often forget them.”
However, the counterpart of short-term memory, episodic memory, can be slightly more affected by aphantasia. This is because it relates to episodes we have lived in the past and imagining possible events in the future. Especially when it comes to memories from our early childhood, like five or six years old. Usually, it is harder to recall them in thoughts and feelings, since our conscience was not yet as developed as it is now.
How about autobiographical memory? I know many people with aphantasia have trouble remembering some events from their past, is that true also for you?
“So, sometimes I can remember a feeling I had. So… the memory part is there; I just cannot visualize it. Therefore, I feel like the memories are kind of blurred.
The surface level of the memory is kind of okay. Sometimes, like, trauma or something like that, I don’t really remember it. I only remember feelings, I guess, or, you know, some sequence of events that happened, like this came after this and this. But I cannot really visualize it. I have a lot of memories, I just don’t think of them, and I don’t remember them. However, when I see a picture, I’m like oh, yeah, this was on that day.
For example, my first day at school: I just remember that I was with friends, that I was bored, and that there was a teacher, none of which I can visualize anymore. I do, however, remember specifically the word that was written on the board.”
But you cannot remember what the classroom looked like?
“I mean, it was probably a typical classroom like they are in Slovakia, but no, I don’t remember anything else, apart from the fact that there were big windows. It’s the only thing I can remember.”
The effects of having aphantasia
The inability to recall memories by images does make people with aphantasia less exposed to the risk of experiencing PTSD and, generally, they are less prone to feel overwhelming feelings of loss, regret, and cravings. It has also been established that there is a certain link between aphantasia and logical and mathematical skills, something that Jessica benefits from as an economics student.
Additionally, dreams might be affected, however, it is still unclear whether the involuntary projection of images occurs in people with aphantasia: many claim that they can dream but it is impossible for them to recall the images once they wake up.
“I often have those nights in which I feel like I cannot rest while sleeping. I guess my brain just has this constant inner monologue and I often dream of numbers, but not in the sense that I see them, I just think about them. It’s exhausting,” says Jessica.
However, aphantasia does not have a significant impact on creativity. In truth, there are many fantasy writers or creatives, working in animation and design, who have aphantasia. In an interview with the BBC, ex-Pixar chief Ed Catmull referred to a survey conducted among his team that proved that some of the greatest artists in animation also have it!
Glen Kean, who designed Ariel in The Little Mermaid and, in Catmull’s words, is “one of the best animators in the history of hand-drawn animation”, also had a blind mind’s eye. Still, he could make masterpieces by starting from a mere scribble on blank paper. “It means he’s looking deep down inside, for his emotions, and that’s what drives his drawing,” the ex-Pixar chief explains.
“Honestly, aphantasia is good and bad at the same time,” my roommate concludes.
“It isn’t the worst thing to have because, for example, I’m very good with numbers and I can remember notions and concepts better. So, it’s just what makes me me, I don’t feel like I’m not “normal”. I’m a little bit different, but it does help me in some ways. I feel it helped me a lot growing up: the memory, the numbers, it brought me to where I am right now.”
Sources:
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/10483950241263415b
https://psychclassics.yorku.ca/Galton/imagery.htm
https://www.bbc.com/news/health-47830256
https://aphantasia.com/what-is-aphantasia
https://eprints.illc.uva.nl/id/eprint/2246/1/MoL-2023-05.text.p